Empathic Unsettlement
In one of my literature classes, I'm learning about nostalgia and trauma. (Fun fact. They both shift public and personal memory into incomplete pictures: trauma leading us to selectively remember the negative, nostalgia leading us toward the positive. We gotta be holistic.) Anyways. Dominick LaCapra is a trauma scholar who talks about "empathic unsettlement." He says it's the disposition we should take when helping people who have experienced trauma.
On one side, the problem is that we lack empathy. We may not be compassionate enough. The other side of the problem is when we over empathize: "Oh, I know exactly how you feel." First, this isn't true. You don't know exactly how they feel. And second, it minimizes the magnitude of their experience.
Empathic unsettlement, then, is the disposition where you realize you are unable to understand exactly what they have felt. You acknowledge the difference. So it’s a bit unsettling. Yet, and still, you care and support. You show sincerity. You give space. You hug. You cry. You try. You love.
In reality, loving others will always take us out of our own experience and knowledge. But it still works.
Some Quotes
"Do better things and not just things better." - Sara Kajder
"Seek to connect with others everyday, and you will be happy." - Nathan Pacheco
Dialogue should be listening and learning, not debating and debunking. - Ronell Hugh (This isn't an exact quote, but my paraphrasing of a concept he discussed.)
Perfectionism
I was at a conference over the weekend, and Nathan Pacheco spoke and sang. There was something in his demeanor and person that was honest. Honest and gentle. And kind. And there are many things about his time on stage that I'd love to talk about. But, let me just share one idea. He said, "Perfectionism masks itself in God's clothing," but it's not of God. There's a lot of pressure to be perfect. And if not perfect, at least like super-excellent. And really impressive. And basically perfect.
The problem, though, is that in our craze to be perfect—which seems like a noble pursuit—we are really denying Jesus's role in our life. We are trying to take His place. See, we are not the perfecter of ourselves. He is. Rather than focusing our efforts on perfectionism, maybe it ought to be a focus of improving love.
…put the perfectionism away: it's an unwieldy pressure.
Goodies
Ben Abraham → Here are some songs that have been filling me with a bit of life the past few days (thanks Mr. Ben).
If I Didn't Love You.
I am Here.
I am Here (live w/ Ben Platt).—The fact that these vocals are live?? Just so impressive.
half•alive → = They are artists. I really like their song "Move Me."
Don't pay the first price, pay the second one. → An article to help curb consumerism. It's applicable. First prices are the price tags; second prices are the effort/energy we spend to actually make use of the thing. "In our search for fulfillment, we keep paying first prices, creating a correspondingly enormous debt of unpaid second prices. Yet the rewards of any purchase – the reason we buy it at all — stay locked up until both prices are paid."
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Happy Valentine's Day tomorrow!
p.s. I have nowhere to be other than where I am. You have nowhere to be other than where you are.